Michelle is a mother and soon to be Masters Graduate and the Vice President of CASA. With an established business in Interior Design. She is also an advocate for Women’s Mental Health and for student raising children.
A bit about me
After Ezra was born I thought I could handle jumping back into work and studying a bit earlier.
Should be fine, He’ll sleep and I'll do a bit of breastfeeding. Draw some plans, attend an online
lecture I mean, Rhemy was such an easy baby and Ez is far more chilled.
It’s funny how your brain conveniently forgets about the lack of sleep, the refusal of a bottle,
the , how she would not sleep anywhere except on you, .. The perfect idea of balance was
trashed about a week in. When I was working I felt guilty about not studying or being with kids,
When I was studying I really had to get some work done, and the hardest part.. When I was
spending time with my kids I was thinking about the next assignment, the next work task. The
guilt and anxiety were unmeasurable. Oh and yes I also had a husband I probably talk to in
there aswell. I found with balance that my brain was never 100% on a task, but it wasnt ever at
an equal percentage either. It would organise the work task that had to be done, the
assignments that were due in, the kids events I was booked to attend. It was/ is a constant
battle of feeling guilty no matter what you are doing. The diversity report states that 31% of
female architects are doing the same, whether it be their own children or a family member in
their brain that things to do on a checklist that grows and grows.
Then on top of all of that are barriers for when you do get thrown a life jacket you we are
desperate to be saved that you forget the unwritten contract. It always makes me think of the
Tv show House, where a patient is about to die no one knows what is going on so they get the
best medical mind and team together and they save them, roll credits, however, what you dont
see is years later, the crippling medical debt, the loss of homes, and assets, addiction ok I may
be adding in some drama here but at times it feels like In order to save your mental health now
we’ll have to hit you with reduced career growth, and less pay later. Working for my own practice
where I am my own boss and I still feel that my business at times is years behind where it could
have been
Before I was pregnant with Ezra I took a job where I didn't have to do Admin, I hate doing
admin.
A Part time designer jod, as Day care is expensive, and again the parental guilt. When doing
my resume and seeing the gap, I googled the best way to describe the skills I gained taking time
and raising my daughter. Google came back with these. I put them down and got the job. I can
do these things… But I could do these things before I had children. In fact these are the skills I
recommend learning and perfecting before anyone is planning on having children, or taking in
an elderly or ill family member or even before getting a puppy. These are skills you need when
you don’t know what you are about to encounter but you know your life is about to change the
unprepared and unpredictable skills that cover a broad range of everything.
These are the skills that my children have taught me. These are skills that have allowed me to
se the world so very different. Unlike the previous skill set where you go in prepared to fix
something that may possibly become a disaster, these skills showed me a more humbling
approach to everyday challenges, that I exist in this world for a tiny small amount of time. That I
am lucky to even be here in the first place and while time is short it can also stretch on forever.
That there is adventure, excitement and play in everything we do, and that looking at problems
and at people through their eyes sees only humanity, equity and inclusion.
So things changed a bit, Caring for others did not put me in the centre of my universe anymore.
These skills changed my approach to design. I started putting myself in the shoes of those using
my designs, talking to people and listening to their stories and what they needed changed in
their environments. Even without having a project on the go
I started designing on the the things that concerned me for the future and what problems my
children would face, or even my grandchildren,
Finding this connection to people got me excited and I was producing my best work to date. I
was winning awards through work and uni . Things were just doing good.
Then in 2022, A few days before a final submission deadline I completely burnt out. I had
stayed up 4 days straight trying to perfect a medical hotel assignment. I do not recommend
staying up for 4 days. Apprently I ate, apprently I had conversations with my husband and my
kids.I dont remember. I remember hallucinating. I remember hearing a song instead of the
usually humm of my graphics card trying to render, I remember the little people in my 3ds turn
their heads and smile at me as I added one by one into my very slow and very complex 3d
model. I remember the nerve conduction test I took a few months later now that I have to get
surgery on my pinched ulner nerve from keeping my arm in the same position for too long.
I also remember the email from my lecturer who hadnt seen my in a while, who noticed I did not
show up to a review panel, who noticed that I didnt submit my assignment before the deadline.
As a mother herself in the depths of her own balancing act, she noticed and she checked in and
helped get me through to submission. And while her being a parent may just have been a
coincidence, she was the only one that checked in. The thing is its all a bit of a paradox this
Mothers and Parents in Architecture situation.
As said by a female architect included in the Diversity report..“In most practices, there is no
support around parental leave and childcare beyond Centrelink entitlement. It is extremely
difficult to secure promotions and climb the corporate ladder when taking a career break to
birth/raise a baby. Architectural practices lack mentors in leadership and do not promote
females either pregnant or working part-time. Many females have to decide between becoming
a parent or having a career.”
The paradox is that the skills that you are taught by caring for others, are the exact skills needed
in ceo and director positions to help manage people and mentor and encourage
parents/mothers to Ceo director positions.
These humanistic skills that we take a career break to build and strengthen and the exact skills
that are needed to lead and encourage others to be valued and to value themselves. Stepping
away from the design desk to discover the importance of relationships, imagination, curiosity is
all valid research that translates to designing buildings and spaces for people.
And while I’ve approached this topic from the lens of my own experiences and that if other
mothers, regardless of gender, or how many kids, family memebers, pets or indoor plants you
care for. A good leader sees people, not for their worth behind the desk, or how many contracts
they draw up or products they sell. but their worth as a compassionate, empathic and
innovative human. A good leader stands in everyones shoes not on their backs. And as I finish
my Masters thesis this year about to make the big jump into the world of a graduate with the
other 23 year olds, Spending the last few years around my peers, working with them, crying with
them, and having my children share the same music as them, I am absolutely confident with
these future leaders, everyone will be seen.
Presentation by Michelle Ashley-Emile at CASA Conversations event at Perth Design Week 2024
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